Private Practice

Wow! Did anyone just see the end of Private Practice? That's awful! Now we have to wait another week to see what happened. Oh, and switching embryos! Crazy, huh? I love Private Practice but it doesn't portray infertility issues the correct way.

Good night. Sweet dreams. TGI almost F.

Cancellation Appointment

Guess what? Someone I know is expecting twins! I found out through a text message during lunch. At first I was really excited and then I felt sick to my stomach. I thought about my last IUI. I had two perfect eggs. Why weren't they fertilized? Why us? Why do we have to wait so long for something we want so badly? I could be pregnant with twins right now.

My day just crashed down on me. I felt angry. I was tired of waiting. I called my nurse to see if there were any cancellation appointments. She called and left two messages. The first said that my doctor was completely booked through May. The second was left three or four minutes later. It said "I've got you an appointment on May 11th at 11 AM! Please call me back as soon as possible. I don't someone else to grab it!" Of course I called her back right away. We got the appointment.

So 12 days and counting!!!

I'm Back!

It's been awhile. I've checked in on a few blogs but haven't had a desire to blog...until tonight! I really haven't had much to share. I've enjoyed the last few days. Each day begins with a couple cups of caffeinated coffee. Each day ends with a glass of red wine. Of course I still want a baby and I still think about it often. But our break from fertility meds, ultrasounds, etc. has been nice.

My nurse never called me back with a cancellation appointment. I never called her back either. I think she knows I need a break from everything. I really don't want to go back there. I want to get pregnant without help. But if we're still not pregnant after this break cycle I'm sure we will jump on the IVF bandwagon.

So anyway, our consultation is set for May 20th. So freakin far away but not really. Friday is May 1st! Can you believe it?

Josh and I went to see Dave last Friday night. We had a great time, as always!

Spring Break

Thanks for ALL of your helpful comments. I enjoyed reading each one! I'm starting to think that IVF isn't as scary as I had first thought. The only thing that bothers me now is the cost. I feel so lucky to have coverage but still. It's expensive with my coverage. I know it will be worth every penny though. I'm going to call my nurse tomorrow. Pray for a cancellation appointment! I really want to see my RE sooner than May 20th.

Thank GOD for spring break. I enjoyed almost every second -- just not the second I found out I wasn't pregnant. I needed to get away from everything to realize my life is still awesome even though I can't get pregnant. I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world again. Here are a few pictures from my break.

Still thinking I was probably pregnant...

Easter Sunday

Jack on Easter Sunday

Wrightsville Beach, NC

Curls (which I never have time to do!)

On our way to see Legally Blonde...

(yes, my dress is a size to big -- it's one of those I bought this time last year, thinking I could wear it during pregnancy -- crazy, I know!)

So anyway, guess what DH and I started tonight?!?! Couch to 5K!!! It's a free downloadable podcast from itunes. It's a 9 week program, 3 days a week. I think we can handle it. We're looking forward to it.

Ok, time for bed. I'll update soon with a cute, new hobby of mine: sewing little dresses. Have an awesome week. Congrats to all those blessed with miracles!

Considering IVF

Am I really considering IVF? I'm officially desperate for creating a miracle with DH.

My nurse said the earliest appointment with our RE is May 20th. I was shocked. I thought we would be meeting with him in the next week or so, not a month from now. I'm still not even sure this is an IVF consultation. I'm assuming it's a consultation to talk about my last three IUIs and what he thinks we should do next. I told my nurse we didn't want to do another IUI cycle. She completely agreed and said our RE wouldn't want to do another IUI cycle either. I was concerned about getting any tests in before an IVF cycle because AF will be due right around May 20th. I don't want to have to wait ANOTHER month and start in late June. She said not to worry that they could fit in a sono and mock transfer. Do I need to be concerned? Now she did say to call her next week to see if there are any cancellations.

Okay, so does anyone what to share any initial advice about IVF? What usually happens first?

16dpIUI = BFN

I had a dream last night. It was a wonderful dream! I woke up in the morning and took a test. It was positive. I was sooo excited. So when I really woke up this morning I tested. It was a BFN! So it's officially over. There's no more hope for this cycle.

I just left a message with my RE's nurse. I'm sure she'll call me back soon.

I am beyond ready to have too much fun with too many drinks.

Update -- AF finally came to town! 18dpIUI -- just like my last two IUIs.

15dpIUI

I'm 15dpIUI and AF hasn't arrived. I haven't tested since 13dpIUI and I have no desire to do so. I'm sure it would be a BFN and I can't handle seeing another one of those. I was reading through my blog and realized that AF arrived 18dpIUI on my last two IUI cycles. That makes me think AF will arrive on Saturday. If for some crazy reason she doesn't, then maybe I'll test Sunday morning.

Mom and I are relaxing in Wilmington, NC. It's so nice and I sooo needed this week of relaxation. I just feel at home in NC. It's been fun catching up with some friends from college. Life is good!

Guess what? I get to see DAVE next week. Mmmm! I can't wait. I'm seriously in love with him. But I love DH more!

My 100th Post

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I want to celebrate my 100th post by thanking you for your prayers and support. You've lifted my broken spirit, shared stories of hope and given helpful advice. Thank you for cheering me on through this unexpected journey.

I wish we could celebrate a BFP. I'm 13dpIUI. I took two HPTs this morning - First Response and Quick Vue. They were both BFNs. I was devastated because I thought I was pregnant. I saw the faintest of faint BFPs on Dollar Store HPTs at 10, 11 and 12dpIUI. These faintest of faint BFPs showed up an hour or two after I took the tests. Now I'm thinking they were evaporation lines. They still got my hopes up though. I've never seen a BFN turn into a BFP. I was so hopeful and excited.

I know it's not over just yet but I'm pretty sure it's over. I wouldn't be surprised if AF arrives within the next day or so.

DH and I are going to schedule an appointment with our RE as soon as AF arrives. We want to talk about what's next. I'm ready to consider adoption but DH thinks we've invested too much money with our RE to give up now. So I guess we'll move forward with our RE.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter!

My next post will be my 100th post. I'll be revealing the outcome of my third IUI. I wish I could go ahead and tell you on Easter morning but I'm still not sure...

8dpIUI

I started testing early! I just couldn't help it. I wanted to see if the shot of HCG was still in my system. I started Monday at 6dpIUI. It was positive! Even though I knew it was from the trigger (and not from a pregnancy) it was still exciting to see a BFP. It was my first ever! I tested again on Tuesday at 7dpIUI. It was positive. This morning I tested at 8dpIUI and it was negative. So the trigger is officially out of my system.

I think I'm going to keep testing. I know if I'm pregnant I probably won't see a BFP for a few days but I'm going to do it any way. Each test is only a dollar! Why not?

When I went to the dollar store to buy these HPTs the lady checking me out asked if I was playing prank on someone. I said "No!" She just looked at me. I wonder what she was thinking. Haha!