Breaks My Heart

It breaks my heart to look at this picture. DH and I were so excited when we took it. It was taken over a year ago and right before we started trying. I just knew I would get pregnant right away and I wanted DH to take pre-pregnancy picture. It was going to be the first picture in my "bump" slide show.

It also breaks my heart to think "What if IVF doesn't work for us?" and "What if I never get to experience pregnancy?" I am very hopeful and positive that it will work but there is still a little part of me that thinks -- well, I need to be realistic! We weren't given a 100% chance it would work. I know adoption is an amazing experience and I know it is the path we will choose if IVF doesn't work. So that is exciting to think about too. At least that will be the answers to our prayers if IVF doesn't work.

On a happier note, I'm on my fourth week of losing a few pounds, eating healthier and getting in shape. I have lost about five pounds. Now I'm sooo close to breaking my "realistic" goal before IVF! But I probably gained all five pounds back this past weekend. I ate sooo bad! I'm going to get back on track. Today I ran/jogged 2 miles! That's HUGE for me. DH and I did the first couple weeks of Couch to 5K (which is a wonderful program) but decided to run to our favorite music for the last couple weeks.

Protocol for IVF

We received our protocol for our upcoming IVF cycle. It arrived in the mail this afternoon. It includes pages (tons on pages) of information that we've got to initial and sign with a notary public. It's due back with our full payment on June 1st. Exciting?!?!

Menses: May 19th
1st OCP (Desogen): May 22nd
Trial Transfer, SonoHSG and Ultrasound: June 3rd
Start Lupron: June 7th
Last OCP: June 11th (I will have taken 21 active pills)
Lab, Ultrasound and Medication Instructions: June 18th
Day 1 of Stim and DH Start Doxycycline: June 19th
Day 2 of Stim: June 20th
Day 3 of Stim: June 21st (my 25th birthday)
Day 4 of Stim/Labs: June 22nd

Day 1 - 3 of Stim include: Low Dose HCG (with Lupron) 10 units between 6:00 & 9:00 AM, Follistim 250 units between 4:00 & 7:00 PM

Tentative Dates:
Retrieval: June 30th
Transfer: July 3rd (day 3) or July 5th (day 5)
48 hours of bed rest around transfer recommended

I still don't understand it all but I'm just going to take it one day at a time. I'm going to start by making a to-do list for next week: pay for meds and confirm date of shipment, initial and sign paperwork with a notary public, send paperwork and full payment to RE. I think we can handle it, don't you?

Birth Control Pills

Wow! Did I really start taking BC pills for an IVF cycle? Crazy!

The pharmacy my RE uses (Ascend Pharmacy -- somewhere out west) called me. They had received the order for our IVF meds and are planning to ship them by June 3rd. They needed DH's insurance information. DH has to take an antibiotic ten days before the ER. I do too! It's to prevent any infections. The pharmacy is supposed to call me back on Wednesday with a total. My RE said it will be around $800 with our insurance coverage. Crazy, I know! But that's only 30% of the grand total. I am so thankful for our coverage but completely bothered by the fact that many women do not have IF coverage. It's just not fair for you.

Oh and guess what? Our SonoHSG and Trial Transfer is going to be on June 3rd. That's our 3 year anniversary! What a way to celebrate such a beautiful day? I'll be a nervous wreck over those procedures even though I'll probably be just fine. I am always impressed with how well my procedures go with my RE. I get worked up for no reason!

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Congrats to any and all BFPs! I've read about a few tonight and I'm sooo happy for all of you. Your stories give me hope, as always.

Hallelujah! It's CD 1!

Hallelujah! It's CD 1!

I called our nurse coordinator with the news. She said to start BC pills on Friday. Hopefully time will fly on those little pills. The end of a school year will help. My faculty meeting this afternoon just confirmed that I will be super busy! By the way has anyone heard of Desogen? I've never heard of that BC pill but that's what I'll be taking. Our nurse coordinator is sending a schedule our way. I'm looking forward to receiving this information. It should have projected dates for everything IVF related.

Official IVFers

We are officially moving forward with IVF! After lots of discussion, planning and prayers we made our decision. It was already made in our hearts. We knew that we wanted to do everything possible to create a miracle before moving forward with adoption. We just couldn't feel at peace with adoption until going through the last fertility treatment available: IVF. We are excited and hopeful again. It almost feels like the first month of trying. I feel like our chances are high and we have no reason to think probably won't work. Instead we have reason to think it probably will work. Just what we thought when we first started trying!

I am happily having daydreams about babies again. They are welcomed with happiness instead of unwelcomed with sadness. It's so exciting to know that we might have a miracle or two in our arms this time next year. And yes, they are transferring two embryos. So twins are a possibility at 20% - 30%.

I'm on CD 30. I started the usual light spotting and minor cramps two days ago. AF is on her way. She will be here soon. Sad, right? I really had hope that this might be the month and we wouldn't have to move forward with IVF. But I guess it's just not in His plan. I'll keep you updated. Hopefully she's arrive tonight and we can get this party started.

IVF Consultation

Whoa! Today was filled with too many emotions. It was an overwhelming and unexpected day but I guess that's normal for newly IVFers. I'm just glad the day is almost over. DH and I decided to go to the gym at 8:30 tonight. We ran our hearts out on those treadmills. Now we're ready to "sleep on it." Maybe we won't be as overwhelmed with the costs of an IVF cycle when we wake up. Wishful thinking, right?

So anyway!

DH and I anxiously woke up and headed to Charleston this morning. We browsed through most of The Couple's Guide to In-Vitro Fertilization. We were a little excited and a little nervous. We didn't really know what to expect during our consultation.

Our RE put us at ease from the beginning. We started by talking about my 3 IUI cycles. They all went so well but what went wrong. We'll never know and that's part of unexplained infertility. We talked about the expensive laparoscopy surgery that could pinpoint our problem but whether a problem is pinpointed or not the treatment will not change. IVF is what's next especially after 3 IUIs failed.

We discussed our statistics. These were formulated based on our 14 months of trying, with 2 failed Clomid cycles and 3 failed Ovulation Induction/IUI cycles. We found these very interesting.

If we continue...

-trying naturally we have a 1% - 2% and it's free.

-with another ovulation induction and IUI cycle we have a 5% - 10% (this was lowered since our last 3 IUIs failed) and it costs about $2,000.

-with an IVF/ICSI cycle we have a 60% - 65% and it costs about $12,000.

We all agreed that an IVF/ICSI cycle would be our next best bet. We talked about the entire process. Afterwards we met with our IVF nurse coordinator. She explained everything again and we talked timelines. I'm supposed to start a new cycle next week (PRAY a new cycle doesn't start!). If we go forward I would start BC pills on CD 4. That would probably be next week or the next. I'll probably stay on BC pills for 4 weeks or so. During that time I'll have a sonoHSG and trial transfer: June 3 to be exact. Meds, ultrasounds, etc. will be throughout June. Our expected transfer date would be around July 4th. And yes, I've already figured out our expected due date: late March of 2010!

After meeting with our nurse we were whisked away and taken to our financial advisor: this was SCARY! The numbers presented to us made our stomachs churn. We are so thankful to have infertility benefits (70% covered). But still, that 30% we have to pay is still expensive! We both looked at each and whispered "Why us?" Even though we have coverage it's still outrageously expensive. What if it doesn't work? We are out all that money! What if it does work? Our miracle(s) will be worth every penny but we'll be out all that money. That money could pay for so many other things that soon to be parents and newborns need and want.

I'm pretty sure we've decided to move forward but it's not etched in stone. The costs suck! But the timing of it all seems right. It will be during my summer break. I'll be more relaxed. I'll be due in the spring and hopefully I'll be able to take the rest of the school year off. That's what I originally wanted when we started trying last year. We'll figure it out. As my sister told me tonight when there's left to do just lift it up it in prayer. So that's what we are going to do.

Good night and say a prayer for us. I'm praying for you too!

Picnic in the Park

Thank you for the book recommendations. I purchased two used books from amazon.com: The Couple's Guide to In-Vitro Fertilization: Everything You Need to Know to Maximize Your Chances of Success and IVF and Ever After. I can't wait to start reading them with DH. Please continue to send any book recommendations my way. I might order a couple more in the future.

DH and I went to visit a church in Savannah this morning. It was beautiful inside. Afterwards we had a picnic with a couple of our friends in Forsythe Park. The weather was perfect. We saw lots of cute families strolling their babies and playing with their babies on blankets. It was sweet. We can't wait to do that one day.

So on to cycle news -- I'm on CD 16. I've had serious cramps and twinges this weekend. I wonder if it's a cyst or if I'm ovulating. Who knows? We are covering our bases this month just in case but we aren't making it stressful...only fun! If it happens, it happens. If not we are on to IVF.

Books on IVF

I went to Barnes and Noble this morning. I have two favorite sections in this store: the "pregnancy and baby" section and the "books for babies and children" section. Today my mission was to find a couple books about IVF and/or adoption. I knew I had to go to the "diseases" section to find books about infertility. But before finding that section I had to check out the "pregnancy and baby" section. I was in heaven, as always! I browsed through a few pregnancy books and then found some adoption books. I didn't find any adoption books that I wanted to purchase. So on to the "diseases" section! They didn't have many books at all. Just one on PCOS, maybe one called Taking Charge of Your Fertility and one called Conception Chronicles. I wasn't impressed and left Barnes and Noble empty handed.

Here's my question. Do you recommend any books on IVF? I'm going to order a couple online in the next couple weeks.

Thank you!