Giving Hope

DH and I started visiting a new Methodist church. I love it because it's Methodist and it's close to our house. We have a hard time getting to church on time. The church is just getting started. DH isn't a huge fan but I really like it. Maybe it's my calling to help the church get things started? I don't know. Anyway the pastor was discussing how easy is can be to just give up and stop trying (referring to starting the church). He said we must go forth and persevere. I thought about our journey of starting a family. I always wonder if we are doing the right thing by moving forward with these fertility treatments. They are so exhausting and stressful. I think I got my answer. DH and I must go forth and persevere because God is watching out for us. He's on our side. He has a plan. It will be worth it one day.

After church the pastor's wife introduced me to a lady that had two little ones: a Hispanic girl and a Caucasian boy. I figured the little girl was adopted but I wasn't sure about the little boy. She and her husband had trouble TTC. They did everything but IVF. Afterwards they pursued international adoption and adopted their little girl from Guatemala. She is a precious 2 year old now. She said right before going to Guatemala they were shocked to find out they were pregnant with a little boy. It happened when they least expected it. Isn't that wild?!?!

She completely understood the emotions involved with TTC. She said adopting is an emotional rollercoaster as well. She said they had numerous meetings with their social workers. They were told to be ready in two weeks. Then plans would change or be delayed. Now she says it was worth EVERYTHING they went through! She said they wouldn't have their little girl if they hadn't struggled with TTC.

It make me smile to see her with her family. She's been in my shoes but now look what she has. I almost wanted to cry tears of happiness for her. She's blessed and I hope to be one day. I can't wait! Her story gave me hope.

Pink Crib

If we ever get pregnant and then find out it's a girl, we're getting this crib for our nursery. I just found it on babiesrus.com and I'm in love. It has a matching changing table that I found on target.com. The set would be perfect with the PB crib linens that my MIL purchased. Yes, the ones she bought for her grandchild that hasn't been conceived yet. Why? Because I fell in love with them last summer. The colors in the linens are white and green - perfect with a powder pink crib!

I've already showed DH. He seriously thought I wanted to order the crib and changing table tonight. I reminded him that I'm not that crazy. I would definitely wait until we are officially pregnant and officially having a girl.

Yes, I look at baby gear in my spare time. I've already picked out everything I want to put on my registry. I know but why not? It brings excitement back into this journey.

Ultrasound Results

Our alarm clock went off at 5 this morning. DH had to drag me out of bed. We've missed sleeping in on Saturdays. We started on our 2 hour trip to Charleston at 6 because we had to be there at 8. DH always drives and I always sleep. I do wake up for breakfast - usually fast food - yuck! But hey, it's quick and we don't leave early enough to stop and sit down at Cracker Barrel or IHOP.

The ultrasound was a little painful. Um, like when she did two sharp 90 degree turns to my left and right ovaries. When I finally realized how hard I was pushing on those stirrups, I decided to stop trying to push away. It wasn't coming out and I just needed to relax. I tried but it didn't help. DH thinks she's really shoved it up there because he saw how far the KY went down on the stick thingy. He said "Wow, she really put it up there today!" Oh, the joys of ultrasounds. I love my DH and can't imagine doing any of this without him. He's been right there by my side for everything. He's says since you're the one going through all the ultrasounds, procedures, etc. I will do all the driving and be right there by your side.

The ultrasound tech was a "fill in." Maybe she's not experienced and that's why she wasn't gentle OR maybe she didn't want to be there.

We met with our nurse and she explained that the "fill in" measured LOTS of follicles. She said they usually don't measure all those smaller ones but "fill in" did. She measured a total of 10! 6 follicles were between 6 mm and 9 mm (mostly 9 mm). The other 4 were 11 mm, 11 mm, 12 mm and 13 mm: 11 and 12 on left, 11 and 13 on right. Our nurse said we will definitely have more than one follicle this month. She said if we have too many they can aspirate some. ASPIRATE! That didn't sound nice and it really freaked me out. I asked her about the pain associated with aspiration and she said they sedate you...WTF? I am still excited that we will have more than one this time! She talked with my doctor and here's our plan: 2 more nights of Follistim (50 IU a night) and another ultrasound on Monday.

Oh, and how cool is this? After last night's injection we were officially out of Follistim. I told the nurse and she just GAVE me a 600 IU cartridge of Follistim. That's like $600 worth of Follistim for FREE! Although insurance would have covered 70%, that was still really nice of her. If this cycle doesn't work (why did I just say that, it's going it work), we will have plenty of Follistim for next month!

Update - I forgot to mention that my lining was at 8.

Thank You

Ok, so I just gave myself another Follistim injection. DH timed my 5 second wait. I even kept the needle in for an extra 5 seconds. DH kept saying, ok, take it out, you can take it out now, TAKE IT OUT! I pulled it out VERY slowly. I feel so much better about tonight's injection. There wasn't any medicine on my skin or any medicine coming out of the needle.

THANK YOU for your comments about last night's experience. I appreciate your advice!

Forgetful

I completely forgot to take my last pill (Letrazole/Femara) this morning. I was so busy at school that it didn't even cross my mind until the last kid left at 3:15! Of course I went into panic mode because I'm OCD about taking my meds at the same exact time every day. I took the pill and called my nurse. She calmly assured me that it would be ok.

I took my first Follistim injection tonight. It was quick, easy and painless. After I pulled the needle out I thought I saw a droplet of clear liquid on my skin. I quickly pressed the alcohol swab down on the injection site. Now I'm worried that droplet was medicine that came out. But that really can't happen, right? Maybe I'm crazy and didn't really see what I thought I saw? I wish I didn't worry so much.

I'm ready for Saturday. I can't wait to find out how many follicles are ready, if any!

Day 3 - All Clear

I had a day 3 ultrasound this morning. All was well. I had 11 tiny follicles on my left ovary and 15 tiny follicles on my right ovary. My RE decided to up my Follistim just a little. Hopefully that will help grow more than 1 good follicle. I started my Letrazole/Femara this morning. Let's all say a prayer for me, you and any one else struggling. I really want our prayers to be answered this month.

Oh, and I have good news. I probably will not have to take any sick days. My next ultrasound will be on Saturday. If I'm ready to go then I will trigger that night and have the IUI on Monday. I'm out of school on Monday for MLK Day. I'm so glad we didn't delay this IUI because of sick days. Life is surprising and good, sometimes! ;)

DH and I went to see Marley and Me over Christmas break. It was great. Tonight we went to see Gran Torino. I wasn't a big fan of going to see it but afterwards I was pleasantly surprised. It was wonderful. I highly recommend going to see it.

Let's get it started!

Let's get it started! Let's get is started in here! Wooo hooo!

I have to admit. I was very down about my first IUI ending with so many BFNs. The thought of possibly taking a break really bothered me too. We thought about it for a realistic reason: taking too many days off work. I have to take sick days for my appointments because my doctor's office is 2 hours away. Since I've only taught 2 years I only have about 20 sick days. I don't want to use any more days but oh well. I'll be using them! I may not have a lot of sick days left for maternity leave but we'll survive.

So anyway, I went from being down to being excited again. Why? I started AF today, ordered my meds, and set up my day 3 u/s for Saturday morning. My nurse was going to check with my doctor about moving up my dosage of Follistim. She said he may not go for it but I wanted her to ask because I only had one follicle last time. I'll keep you updated.

Knock, knock!

Knock, knock! Where are you AF? I'm ready to start the meds for IUI #2.

We've decided to move forward with a second IUI. We thought about waiting until the summer months but decided against it. We decided I couldn't handle "waiting patiently" for six more months.

I'm hoping this cycle will be less stressful. We don't have any big plans for the month. I am familiar with the meds and the procedures. Life should be good with a miracle in the making.

I hope. I pray. I wonder.

Tiny Bit of Hope

12dpIUI = BFN
13dpIUI = BFN

I've got three tests left. One for tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday. By the way, Tuesday will be the 28th day of my cycle. Yes, I know, they will probably be BFNs but I'm taking them anyway. I still have a tiny bit of hope even though I'm pretty sure we're not pregnant.

My bbs are still extremely sore and I am exhausted beyond words. How am I going to function in the classroom on Monday? I can't wait to stop taking Prometrium. My doctor said that if I'm pregnant I'll take it until my 8th or 9th week. Whoa, I can't imagine! My doctor also said if I get a BFN on 16dpIUI, to stop taking it.

DH and I have been discussing what we hoped we wouldn't have to discuss: what next? We can't decide if we want to do another IUI cycle this month, or wait until I'm out of school in the summer. Decisions, decisions, and damn it, why us?

Updates:

14dpIUI = BFN :(
15dpIUI = BFN :(
16dpIUI = BFN :(

Ok, no more, I can't stand it.

11dpIUI = BFN

I gave in and took a HPT. It was negative.

So there's no way I could be pregnant, right? The HCG from the trigger is obviously out of my system and my body isn't producing HCG, or it would have been detected in the HPT.

I'm sad but not devastated, yet. I'm going to take a nap now.