I started a new cycle this morning. I was shocked but thought, ok, I can handle this. I kept telling myself that it wasn't meant to be. I sent text messages to close family members and a couple friends that knew we might have been pregnant. I knew I would start crying if I heard my husband's voice. So I just sent him a text message too. I really was ok until I got to work and saw my little first graders. They were so precious! My eyes teared up throughout the morning. A reading teacher barged into my classroom during my short break. I had been weeping. Why didn't she notice? Why didn't she just turn around and walk back out? Anyway, she came in to ask about our friend's baby nursery. She was going to buy a baby shower gift after school. I answered her questions. Then she said "Are you next?" I said "Nope!" She then said "Yeah, enjoy life without kids. Things change with them." I was trying so hard not to make eye contact. My eyes were filling with huge tears. Well that conversation, along with sweet text messages from family and a gift from the office (a close friend dropped off a thinking of you card with a framed picture), caused an emotional breakdown. I couldn't stop crying. I called the office to find a sub. I took a half day...
My precious husband surprised me at home. He left work as soon as I told him I was taking a half day. When I got home he greeted me at our door with a big hug. I just cried in his arms. I walked in to find roses, lunch, comfort food (chocolate cupcakes) and two movies. We just spent the afternoon together at home. Today ended up being an ok day. The love of my life completes me.
So where do we go from here? I just want to stop trying and forget about it all. I am still waiting to get the results from my blood test last Thursday. I know I'm not pregnant but what if I was pregnant and just lost it really early. AF has been horrible today.
By the way, my cycle was 36 days long. My cycle has never been that long! It's usually just 30 days. Isn't 36 days too long, especially on Clomid?
Hello world!
2 years ago
2 comments:
My heart goes out to you. Although i wish i didn't, i know exactly how you feel! I'm tired, and ready to give up! I am currently on my 6th round of Clomid, and even though i am not even on CD9 yet, i just have no hope left!
The hubby and I have discussed "quitting" if we do not get pregnant this cycle!
Hold your head up, and keep faith in God! Im here if you ever need to talk! ~Loren
i totally understand how you feel. clomid is a horrible drug to be on! and i just had a random extra long cycle this past month when i am usually very regular.
i hope this cycle is your lucky one!!
<3 Erin
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