I was determined to breastfeed Stella for the first year of her life. I knew the amazing benefits of breast milk and the special bond we would have from the experience. I did not want Stella to have one ounce of formula. In my mind, formula was poison. It makes me laugh to think about how crazy my feelings were about formula. But at the time, I didn't think I was crazy! Now Stella is formula fed, and she loves it. It has helped her grow healthy and strong since she was eight weeks old. It also gave me the opportunity to be a rested, happy mother. Formula gave me back my sanity!
I wouldn't recommend being so determined about breastfeeding. I would recommend being flexible. If I had been flexible then maybe I could have breastfed a little longer while also giving Stella formula. But no, I could not give her any formula! The result of this extreme determination turned into stopping breastfeeding cold turkey after eight weeks of exclusive breastfeeding. The reason I would recommend being flexible is because breastfeeding really doesn't always work out. It's okay if it doesn't work out. It's not the end of the world. You can't consider it "quitting" or "giving up". Especially if no matter how much hard work, effort and determination you give it, it will not work out.
So back to the first few days of breastfeeding...
I didn't get to breastfeed Stella right away because of my retained placenta. When I finally got to breastfeed her, she didn't latch on. The nurses were not helpful. The first experiences with breastfeeding still haunt me. I wish I had delivered at a hospital nearby that had our heaven sent lactation consultant. If you really want to breastfeed, please deliver at a hospital with a good lacation consultants or get your own lacation consultant BEFORE you deliver! The nurses were not able to help us figure out breastfeeding at all. The only thing they recommend was a nipple shield. Why, oh why? I should have never been given a Medela nipple shield.
If you get anything from this post, DO NOT start using a nipple shield unless you truly need one! Most women DO NOT need them. They are the "easy" way out for nurses to help you with latching on. Once a baby starts latching on with a nipple sheild, he or she will not latch on without it. Enough said!
So my milk didn't come in for 6 or 7 days. Everyone thought Stella was starving, which she probably was starving. Even the nurse at the pediciation's office was like "She crying because she's hungry!" I felt awful but what do you do when you want to exclusively breastfeed? Josh finally found our heaven sent lactation consultant. She was AMAZING! She had breastfeeding support groups and all. Gosh, I love her! She gave us words of encouragement and advice during those first few days. She helped me get Stella off the nipple sheild, which is unheard of.
Even though I had her support, breastfeeding just wasn't going like it was supposed to go. Stella was breastfeeding every hour or every hour and a half. I'm not sure how I functioned with no sleep for eight weeks. I was up with her all night, every night. It was hard. It was really hard. I felt like I was falling apart. But I couldn't stop because I was so determined.
Finally after my third round of mastitis (infection of the breast, due to breastfeeding), I stopped breastfeeding. I had a fever, AGAIN. I was so weak I could barely hold Stella. I called Josh at work and told him that he needed to come home because I was so sick and weak that I coudn't function or take care of Stella. He was home within minutes. We gave Stella her first bottle of formula. I cried. My heart was breaking. I finally came to realization that I had to take care of myself so that I could take care of Stella. I had to be the best Mommy ever, and that wasn't possible with breastfeeding. We put my breast pump in the closet and never took it back out. Stella started sleeping through the night within three days of starting formula. Within a week, I felt like an amazing Mommy!
I missed the closeness of breastfeeding. I breastfed Stella a few times at night and in the mornings. But my milk supply decreased drastically. I only breastfed her for the closeness, not for food. I finally stopped all breastfeeding after my D and C. Now I realize that I probably had milk supply issues due to my retained placenta.
I hope to breastfed Stella's brother or sister one day ( no, I am not pregnant). I have a lot of knowledge of breastfeeding now and hopefully it will go a lot smoother next time. If not, it will be okay! I'll be more flexible next time.
Hello world!
2 years ago
10 comments:
Breastfeeding is such an emotional issue. I'm in the midst of cutting back on the pumping for the sake of my sanity (and my nipples), and it's so hard to see my supply dropping right now. I just need to get my time back.
I think it might be even worse or those who struggled with inferility, because it's just yet another thing that our bodies can't do right. I hope next time (if we're lucky enough to get one) goes a lot smoother for both of us.
My milk supply has also been a big issue. It takes me 8 hours just to pump 2 oz! It's really depressing because I just want to produce enough milk so badly! I've tried all of the techniques and even fenugreek with no results. I'm now trying reglan, but it makes me so tired. I agree with what Kate said that it seems like just another thing my body won't do right.
Well said. I also had issues breastfeeding and before I had Addison I said I would NEVER use formula. Well here we are at 5 months and she has been getting formula since she was 6 weeks. SO never say never is my new motto! I just couldn't produce enough milk and ended up with PPD because of the stress from breastfeeding. I think mothers need to stop being so hard on themselves and on others!!!!!!
I couldn't breastfeed because my daughter had a cleft palate. I pumped but after 4 weeks I couldn't keep up and my milk depleted so she went to exclusive formula. She survived!
I totally appriciate this post. I wanted to BreastFeed, but I didn't make enough milk at first. About a week after my little one was born we went back for the nurse appt. and the nurse freaked out because she was still loosing weight instead of gaining it back by then. So we tried the nursing suppliment thingy that goes in your bra, we tried lots of things, but the short of it was, we needed to give her milk. So we gave her a bottle. Her eyes opened wide and she finished those two ounces in a hurry. And that was the beginning of me supplimenting with formula.
It was hard at first because all that breastfeeding propaganda tells you baby will be fat, stupid, and die of SIDS if you don't BF, but in truth, that's not exactly the truth. So my little one is thriving now. I was fortunate that she didn't have nipple confusion and has had no problem going from me to the bottle. Right now I'm down to nursing 3 times a day, but probably only 1-2 ounces from me and she has four ounces after she eats from me and then two other feedings of 4-6 ounces of formula. It's awesome. Lord Willing, our next child I will still want to suppliment with formula, because it has to be liveable, you know? Formula actually has the vitiman D that breastmilk lacks. Oh, and Macie slept through the night at 9 weeks, I think in part due to the formula.
I agree with you whole heartedly. Be open. There is no 'right' way to feed your child. As long as their growing!
AMEN to the nursing shields. I hate them, hate them, hate them. I wholeheartedly believe they are the reason I couldn't nurse my first two daughters. With my third baby girl I decided to get rid of everything that could hinder our breastfeeding relationship or make it easy to quit (no bottles, no formula, no shield!).
And here we are 11-months later and still breastfeeding. I've been on both sides of the fence. So even if it was difficult with Stella perhaps you'll have an easier time if you have another baby. You just won't know until you get there.
;-)
THIRD mastitis????????!!! I had one and I was ready to throw in the towel!! When I finally got over that one I decided if it happened again I was definitely switching to formula...it is SOOO hard to function on no sleep and feeling that horrible! Thankfully it didn't (and hasn't) come back...and I've been breastfeeding both kiddos ever since...
On that note...I am SO ready for formula...and I felt the same way you did at first...but I think that its definitely time.
Great post...I think my success was due to the great lactation consultants at my hospital...though it was the NICU nurses that introduced me to a nipple shield to feed Carter...and he wouldn't latch on to me for the first two months! Thankfully his sister was around to help keep the supply going (and to clear me out even when I was pumping for him) because I think if he were an only child I would have had to call it quits.
I was also offered a nipple shield, he had critical weight issues at 8 weeks, my baby didn't latch for 11 weeks and I ended up with PPA. However, I did get a heaven sent LC who showed me how to truly breastfeed. No timing, no crying, no stress - just offer, offer, offer.
I struggle with supply on a daily basis. My milk didn't come in for 5 days and after reading A LOT of literature I know it was due to the shield. The literature says that shields are to be offered for babys >34 weeks gestation and monitored carefully for milk intake, then weaned within a few weeks when they have the capabilities to suck. There is NO EVIDENCE for giving them to babies born at greater than 35 weeks! I agree, its an easy tool for nurses to throw at you but you immediately feel inadequate.
Thankfully, we're still going strong at seven months. My original goal was one year but ever since our rocky start - I cherish each feeding and take it one day at a time.
I'm loving all these updates!! And thanks for sharing your experience with BF. It hasn't been easy for me either. In fact, it was downright misrable for a while. But I also had a great LC that rallied me through :-) We're still going strong with the BF for now and I'm grateful I can. But Crista was solely formula fed and she's AMAZING. So smart too. There should be zero guilt for mama's that choose that route. There are SO many other things for us to worry about, feeding our babies shouldn't be one of them!
Have a great day!!
GREAT advice.
I had a positive experience with a shield. I used one about 4 days in because my breasts were too full for Trevor to get a good latch. It worked wonders and we took it away after a few days with no issue.
Im sorry it didnt work for you, but you are one dedicated Mama to try the second time around.
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